I’m very conflicted. There is this fork in the road in front of me, and I can’t decide which way to go. To the left I have a big move. Halfway across the country. Having a baby seems to have caused me to rethink our extended family situation. Obviously we’re doing ok here on our own, but all of a sudden I feel like my daughter needs to be raised near her grandparents. I’m not sure why I feel this way as I wasn’t raised near mine. I suppose they were much closer then Kennedy’s are, but I’m sure I saw them just as infrequently.

There is more to that road. It ends in the country. In lush rolling hills, and lakes and green! much much green! It would mean a big house with a big yard for K to run amuck. It would likely afford us a family vacation every year, and a new car to replace our current money pit on wheels, possibly even a boat. Now, I realize that is big talk but there would be a very real chance that our life could look very similar, if we choose the path to the left.

However, the road to the right is not without it’s distinct charms. We adore it here. Pink puffy heart Colorado. It people and it’s towns, it’s views and it’s secrets.

However, we hate where we live; a one bedroom apartment with buckling plaster and the world’s most inconsiderate neighbors. We’ve been sleeping on the living room floor for the past few nights because we finally realized that it’s about damn time we don’t sleep within arm’s reach of our kid anymore, she is over a year old for fuck’s sake. We’ve considered turning our place into a studio apartment with a bonus room (read: nursery) but it seems an awful lot of trouble to go through when we don’t even know how much longer we’ll be living here. So first order of business, should we choose to stay in Colorado, is some new digs. Oh look! It’s a new fork in the road! Buy vs. rent! A very exciting topic!

(Update!! Our condo was finally rebuilt October ‘08. It sold in April ‘09. Can I get an “Amen”!)

But aside from our overly complicated living situation, there is so much in Colorado that I’m not yet ready to leave. Our friends are incredible, my job is surprisingly stable, the atmosphere of the city is infectious. I have so much left to see and do here. It shames me to admit that I have lived here for over three years and I still haven’t been through the Eisenhower Tunnel. I’ve never seen Aspen or Vail. The 14er that I swore I’d hike remains untrodden by my feet. I missed out on yet another year of the National Western Stock show, although let’s be honest, I’m not too set on ever actually making it to that one. There are restaurants that I have been salivating over, yet haven’t made the time. Not to mention all the museums that I keep putting off.

That is not to say that I feel I’ve wasted my time here. Quite the opposite, it’s been so full that I haven’t been able to fit everything in.

There are things that I would love to leave behind here. Memories that persist, friendships that lay broken, people that are more a burden then a blessing. But yet, Colorado feels unfinished to me. Moving would be like setting down a novel when you’re only halfway through. It almost doesn’t matter how bad it is, you’ve got to see it through to the end, right?

I absolutely must start writing again. That’s all there is to it. I can feel myself getting dumber each day that I don’t write. So yeah, let me tell you a little bit about my amazing daughter.

Somehow she’s already 13 months old. I’m not even sure where the time went, one morning I woke up and she was walking and talking and eating with a spoon and I realized that I’m a mom. She has the most amazing smile that makes it absolutely impossible to be mad at her. I think she already knows the power that it holds. She will start to do something she knows she’s not allowed to and turn to look at me with a huge smile on her face, knowing full well that I will be powerless to do anything but smile back.

She’s incredibly smart. She was walking by 9 months, and can already say a lot of words. Most recently “shoe” which is accompanied by her bringing me one, and lifting her foot for me to put it on. All this babbling began with “kitty” which she has been saying for a terribly long time now. That was before momma. I may or may not hold that against her for the rest of her life. She does love her kitties very much though, which is good because no one else in this house does anymore, poor things.

She is absolutely obsessed with anything soft and cuddly and thus has turned our home into a stuffed animal museum. If she gets her hands on one in the store you cannot leave without buying it. Or, at least I can’t, cause I’m a sucker. She especially loves her monkey, Earnest, and her owl, Octavius Gustaverson (he’s Austrian). Ernie and Gus must sleep with her every night, and then join her for breakfast in the morning. She enjoys “reading” stories to them. This may be my favorite thing in the world. Watching her flip pages while babbling in her own language makes my heart melt. It is clear that she is telling you a very fascinating story, I just wish I could understand her!

She is definitely not a picky eater. I don’t think there has been a single thing that she has turned her nose up at yet. In one sitting she can easily eat a half an avocado, a chicken drumstick, a cup of applesauce and then finish the meal off with an endless supply of graham crackers. All of this food goes directly to her thighs which are the most gorgeously round and chubby little baby thighs you have ever seen. Perfect for nibbling on of course. Incidentally that is how we end every day, with a good round of thigh nibbling followed by her ending up in hysterical laughter.

She has become my world. I can hardly remember my life before her and I certainly can’t imagine my life without her.