Last week I went to the eye doctor for a routine eye exam. You’re basic, uncomfortably close, prescription check-up. I have worn contacts since I was 13 years old. No, you don’t understand. I mean continuously, for eleven years. As in, I take my contacts out to change them once a month. That’s it. I sleep with them in, I swim, shower, read, and dance with them in. I like to pretend that I have normal eyes, so I just leave them in.

In the past I actually had a theory that it was better for my eyes if my brain never had to try to interpret the blobs of light and color that I ’see’ when I have no contacts in. I have since realized the flaws in my theory, but do I change my ways? Of course not.

So I’m at a new eye doctor and she asks me how many hours a day I wear my contacts. A huge lecture ensues when I mutter something about never taking them out. But, she gives in and says that she’s going to give me contacts that allow more oxygen to get through to my eyes, so I don’t, you know, go blind. Much love for new doctor, allowing me to perpetrate the terrible routine I have gotten myself into.

Fast forward to the next day. I wake up to BURNING eyes. I rationalize that it’s springtime, must be allergies. Oddly enough I’ve never had allergies. I have however heard that sometimes they develop later in life, so that must be the case here. At the end of the week I had a follow up visit scheduled. This is typical for all lens wearers, as she wants to make sure the new prescription is working out.

I sit down in the chair and the tech asks me to read the top line of tiny little letters ten feet away. Ha! What letters? Surely she is fucking around with me and put up the extra small letters. No? Oh, hm. E-V-O-L?-Z. No? F-U-Q-P-S? No? Alright look, I can’t read them, and my eyes are burning. So she gets the doctor, who looks in my eyes with the very bright light that is way too close to my eye. After staring me down with a death ray, she informs me that my eyes have gone into oxygen shock and I now have a corneal infection, which will require a round of antibiotic eyedrops to clear it up, during which I am not allowed to wear contacts. Glasses? Do I have any? Nope. I don’t take my contacts out, so why would I need glasses? 

Three hundred and fifty dollars later I am sporting some sassy new Anne Kleins.

I am now faced with the dilemma of whether or not to resume my contact wearing. Let’s go over the pros. Well, obviously I am not the worlds greatest lens wearer. I don’t play by the rules, which has finally caught up with me. Also, it’s less money. If I decide to go back to contacts its not like I can return the glasses. So on top of what I’ve already spent, I’ll have to shell out another $300. Now the cons. I can’t tell if I like them, looks wise. Colin says they’re cute, so does my Mom. They are both biased, cause they love me. Other con, the whole waking up in the morning not being able to see. Going to bed at night also sucks. I usually lay in bed watching tv and just sort of fall asleep. With glasses? not possible. If I try to put my head on the pillow and watch tv, the little ear pieces hit the pillow and push the glasses all around until eventually the view is so distorted that I might as well not be wearing them, forcing me to take them off and listen to the show instead, which was not made to be a radio program.

So, should I stick with the glasses? Or go back to my cheatin’ ways?

Yesterday I was having an email conversation with one of my friends about her relationship. She came to me for advice. To ME. Miss Mrs. ’Makes The Worst Relationship Decisions Ever’. It wasn’t until about half way through our conversation that it occured to me that I was actually giving out relationship advice, and it sounded good.

I have had my fair share of assholes, drunks, addicts, mommas boys, and pretentious snobs. I have had ’affairs’ with guys that were in relationships (not married), and I have cheated on boyfriends. I’ve also been cheated on, emotionally abused, and pushed down a flight of stairs. I do not feel like I am the world’s best when it comes to this kind of thing. Hell, I wouldn’t even say that I’m the neighborhood’s best.

I didn’t grow up with the greatest example. My parents have been married for 36 years. I would venture to say that they were ‘happily’ married for about 5 out of those 36. They don’t seem in love to me. They never did. They fight constantly. They push each others buttons. I rarely see them kiss or hold hands. It was like this my whole childhood. Now that I’m older I see the devotion that my parents have for each other, and I know how strong their love is. But theirs is not the type of relationshp that I want for myself.

The conversation that I had yesterday really made me see how much I have grown in my relationship with Colin. We are such a strong team, and deeply devoted to one another. We have our issues, I don’t think its possible not to, but we work on them and consciously try to stregthen our relationship at every chance we get.

I never thought that I would understand someone so throughly. I can look at him and know what he’s thinking, and he can do the same. We have become so in tune to each other that we are practically one person.  When have a tidal relationship. It’s all ebb and flow. We know when we need to step up, and we know when we need to step back. I think that’s key.

I didn’t know that this is what it would be like. I didn’t know I could love someone so fully. It is an amazing feeling when you step back and look at it. I am so fortunate to have found him.